Unemployment is interesting, to say the least. While it gives me time to put my business in order (read: I’ve been doing taxes, catching up on editing, emailing masses of brides, and putting together a portfolio) it’s still disconcerting. The rest of the world is making the daily trek to a place of employment where Boss Man says “Work hard for your money.” And people do.
It’s always confused me. How can they demand we give up our lives for work? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? I’m not saying don’t have a good work ethic, not at all, but I am saying that I don’t get the rage and absolute demolition of lives over something as little as a mistake on a spreadsheet or the speed one answers the phone. Maybe you’re different. Maybe you have a job where you do your job, you go home and have a fantastic life, and all is well.
But I’m not from that cloth. I can’t rightfully go work for someone else when there’s so much potential in this world to do something I enjoy. Isn’t Life short? Can’t we be snatched away at any moment? Then why are we wasting our time being miserable, making others miserable, doing miserable things?
I can’t handle it.
I’m not meant to. My calling is photography. My love and deep need for meaning springs from God, and this is what feels right.
So here I am. Waiting. Ready to take a step, but where? I dunno.
I shot a wedding this weekend for an international couple. It was fun, but at the end of it, I felt…restless. Sad. Lonely. Achy. I couldn’t quite figure out why.
And then I realized that my womanlyness was all crazy with “You ought to be getting married, eh?” And my mind was like “It’s been 4 months, reign it in.” When you know, you know, and all that, right? Well….I dunno what I know anymore. Emotion of the moment is often overpowering logic and responsibility. And….I dunno what I want.
Beard is a great guy, no doubt about it…but is it what I want forever? Is this relationship really what I want to focus on as a pursue my business? 99.9% of me says yes. .01% of me says “Ehhhh, you’ll fail at it like you have everything else in your life. You’re better off alone.”
Probably right.
Momo’s bathroom issues have plummeted dramatically since I came home. She now goes to the bathroom in the proper place, like a good girl.
Other than that, meh.
MEH I say.
